Time is certain. There are no maybes; no buts, only its constant passage. It is difficult, at times, to look out the window and watch life go by you, powerless to stop it, and sometimes it is still jarring to look into the mirror to find myself changed, older than I feel. So Far Away by Christine W. Hartmann, a memoir about a daughter’s last years with her parents, encapsulates these feelings perfectly. It is a story of coping with aging parents and the looming prospect of their death. At some point we all fight against this terrifying idea, and feel powerless against the unstoppable force of time, which propels us forward whether we like it or not. Hartmann’s content is easy to relate to, but is difficult to stomach nonetheless." I have frozen the moment in time. I can still see my foot raised in the air to step off the curb; see it descending slowly. And then I lost my footing - the instant I realized my sixty-six-year-old mother had decided to kill herself before she turned seventy."
Within this book’s pages I found pieces of myself, and in its words I found my own experiences mirrored in some ways. You see, I have two friends dying of terminal illnesses, both in the primes of their lives, and it is impossible to think that some day soon they will no longer be here. One is my own age, 48, and is the mother of a 9 year old little boy. The other, whose time to live grows shorter every day according to her doctors, is only 44. Both would give anything to age, to be with their children on graduation day or to teach them to drive, to wake up every morning knowing that they will be here again tomorrow, to simply live. To read this story of a woman whose mother plans to take her own life before she reaches 70, regardless of her good health, was not easy. In fact, I found myself angered by it. How could one possess something as precious and delicate as life, and choose to throw it away?
As difficult as it was for me to fathom, Hartmann’s writing drew me in. The story of her unconventional upbringing, her struggle to care for a father as he wasted away from dementia, and a mother who refused to face life plays on my worst fears of my own future with my parents. Although it was tough for me to agree with a woman who chose to end it all so soon, the book was a highly compelling read, and I would recommend it.
All in all, one frightening truth can be gleaned from this touching work:
Death is certain. There are no maybes; no buts, only its presence drawing nearer. As those we love are lost to the past, and every morning we awake we know that somehow, some way, we are more alone, we must continue onward. We must take every fresh breath of air knowing that in a moment everything changes. No day is the same as the last. We will never truly be here again.
To read what others on the TLC book tour thought of this compelling read please visit the tour stops:
Monday, November 21st: Peeking Between the Pages
Wednesday, November 23rd: I Am A Reader, Not A Writer – author Q&A
Thursday, November 24th: Life in Review
Monday, November 28th: Boarding in My Forties
Tuesday, November 29th: Book Hounds
Wednesday, November 30th: Colloquium
Thursday, December 1st: Acting Balanced
Monday, December 5th: The Lost Entwife
Wednesday, December 7th: Patricia’s Wisdom
Monday, December 12th: Book Dilettante
Tuesday, December 13th: Luxury Reading
Wednesday, December 14th: She Treads Softly
For more information on the author, please visit her website.
Sounds like a difficult story especially this time of year when we are all missing loved ones who have passed away.
ReplyDeleteKathleen, I am so sorry to hear about your friend's illnesses --how terrible.
Your review is very moving and makes me think the book is too. I'm just not sure I'm in the right place in my life right now to read it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a powerful and eloquent review Kathleen.
ReplyDeleteI've seen this book around, and have toyed with reading it, but I think I need to wait until after the holidays.
I'm so sorry to hear about your two friends; how unbearably sad for them and for those who love them.
This sounds like a tough read but a good one.
ReplyDelete*hugs* I'm so, so sorry to hear about your friends, Kathleen. I completely understand why the book angered you at times, but people find themselves in such desperate situations at times. Your closing paragraph is just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYour review is superb, but the heartbreaking quality of this story makes me shy away from reading it. I am dealing with a demented mother (yes, still alive and no longer on hospice), and I dealt with the issue of losing one's parents as the preeminent theme in my recently completed YA manuscript. Thus, am looking for lighter reading fare at this time. I'm so sorry about the friends you are losing. It will leave a hole in your life that will take time to fill. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteKathy, what a moving review. I'm so sorry about your friends' illnesses. I too would be angered by the idea of someone choosing to end their life while enjoying good health. It seems so wrong to me. It must have been gut wrenching for the author. Tough subject matter, no doubt, but it sounds like a fantastic and emotional book. Thanks so much for being on the tour.
ReplyDeleteDear K, you are so kind to leave comments at my blog when indeed i have fallen so so far behind on communicating! why? oh geez, it's work (truly and much of it is exciting, and it's also a bit of freelance work that kicked up...) and now the Holidays!
ReplyDeleteI came home to get some work done this afternoon and it was SO pleasant.
I really enjoyed meeting your little dog - what a sweetheart!
and now, to start getting caught up on some reading - ahahaha! no, really, will give it a whirl. Keep us book current!
and K, about the book you discuss here...yikes, this would be a tough one for me to read. And I am so sorry to hear about your two friends who are suffering. How slow finding help and cures is...there is nothing more precious than the gift of time. Hugs to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful review, Kathleen. I am so sorry that two of your close friends are suffering. I am getting to the age now when I am realizing that my parents won't always be there for me. It's terrifying, mind-numbing and almost physically crippling to even fathom it, and so I always push the thought away and even now, my eyes are tearing up just contemplating the day. It is so hard to come to terms with a word like death, that has such finality.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your friends, Kathleen - that's my worst nightmare.It must have been so tough to read a dark book like this at the same time. I struggle against negative thinking as it can really drag me down. So my general rule is to look at things exactly as they are and not waste precious time worrying about them getting worse. Don't look for trouble, as my grandmother used to say! Goodness only knows there's enough of it about as it is. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteWow, this sounds like a powerful book. I'm sorry to hear about your friends, that has to be impossibly difficult.
ReplyDeleteyour review definitely makes me want tor ead this!
ReplyDeleteGreat review and you have my interest in this book.
ReplyDeleteDiane: The holidays can be difficult since they remind us of loved ones lost. This book was an excruciating read and while I don't agree with the choices her mother made I can respect that it was her choice.
ReplyDeleteBermudaonion (Kathy): I think you have to be careful you are prepared if you do read it. It really wasn't the right time for me but I had signed up for the tour so I didn't have a choice!
ReplyDeleteTheBookGirl: Yes, this is definitely not one I would recommend you read during the holiday time.
ReplyDeleteAmused: Tough but good is an apt way to describe this one.
ReplyDeleteAna(Nymeth): Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteCatherine: With all of that going on you can certainly use a lighter read. I can't recommend this one for you right now!
ReplyDeleteLisaMM: Thanks Lisa. I'm glad I read the book and appreciate you including me!
ReplyDeleteOh: You are so sweet. I hope you are having a wonderful December and let's hope that life will settle down some for both of us!
ReplyDeleteAarti: You are right. It is so difficult and that is one thing I notice about getting older. I seem to think about these things (and have more reason to) as the years go by!
ReplyDeleteLitlove: That sounds like a very sound philosophy!
ReplyDeleteYvonne: Thanks!
ReplyDeleteNaida: Definitely intense!
ReplyDeletesounds like a challenging, moving, great book!
ReplyDelete